“growing without” by Grace Kasanos

Personal growth is hard

I’m still angry 

I’m still sad

How could you be so dumb

I cannot grow without 

How can I reach the milestones of life without you by my side

I see your face when I am on a drive, I try not to cry 

How can grow when you aren’t here to show 

I talk to your mom and we smile in pain

I felt like a traitor for making it to eighteen 

Everytime I smile its feels like I’m stabbing you in the back

How can there joy in world without you in the world

I miss the way you laugh and the way you make me smile

I’m trying to grow but Im falling behind

Into bad habits we’d do all the time

I’m trying to grow but I don’t know

How to grow when you aren’t here to show.

I watch the snow fall and remember it all

Your dreams and your fears, the things you held near.

I will continue to grow in honor of your dreams

I will continue to fight like you taught how 

I will love you mom while you are gone

I will try each day to live in your honor 

I will never take the sunrise for granted 

Because I know you painted the sky for us to see

How can I stay the same when you rooted for me all my laugh

How can I ignore the road ahead when you pushed me to get there

How couldn’t I let your memory fade

 When I could grow up and throw you a parade