People With No Sense of Urgency
“Did we get our license yesterday?” Why are we going 50 in a 45? I don’t see a cop or a car in front of you; people have places to be, please step on it. Or when I go to speed around you and you speed up? Come on, Ronald. Or when we closed 8 minutes ago, why are you moving like Flash from Zootopia? At this point, just go home and I’ll finish everything, like I’m already doing. I’ve already taken out the garbage, mopped the floor, watched 6 TikToks, sent 4 snaps to the huzz, and flirted with Carlos in the time it’s taken you to dry two plates. I want to go home, people!
Cilantro
“Soap doesn’t belong on my taste buds.” Second on the list for a reason, debating on putting it first. And done.
Girls That Judge You Randomly For Being Happy
“Was my laughing interrupting your sulking?” Why are you giving me a snotty face for laughing? This is why you’re still single, Melissa. I’m uncomfortable and now we’re both making faces. We are now beefing. I can’t tell if you’re miserable or just constipated. Let’s get a grip.
Waking Up Before My Alarm Goes Off
“Now today is going to be a bad day” This is how I know to just give up on the day before it even started. I just roll over and go back to sleep. BYE.
Being Rushed While Getting Ready
“Beauty Takes Time” I did not start getting ready 6 hours ago to be rushed for a full 45 minutes. I need to watch TikTok for at least an hour to recharge my social battery. I need to do my makeup and wash it off 4 times before I like it. I need to crash out 89 times by myself unless you want me to crash out the function. I promise.
Being In The Middle of a Rant and Getting Interrupted
“Oh?! Sorry, is my trauma dumping boring you?” If I’m in the middle of my tangent and you interrupt me to talk about yourself, I promise I’ll just get up and walk away because now I don’t care about you or this conversation. You’re cut off from talking to me. This is why I only confide in my dog, because he can’t interrupt me and I can bribe him with treats.
Doomscrolling on TikTok and it Gives Me a Mindful Pause
“Oh nah.” And now I’m deleting this app. Instagram Reels it is. What do you mean I’m trying to stalk my ex and I need to pause and take a deep breath? Right when I reached my flow state?! Overly annoying. Honestly, I’d rather scroll on Facebook before waiting those 15 seconds.
When I Put My Phone on DND to Sleep and Someone Presses Disturb Anyway
“And now you’re blocked, mom.” Who made you think you can disturb me when I clearly don’t want to be disturbed?! Now you’re blocked; I promise you’re not who you think you are if you think you can press that blue “notify anyway” button while texting me. I’ll unblock you when my nap is over, or probably not.
Wasabi
“Yuck!” No explanation needed.
When My Card Declines and I KNOW I Have Money
“I swear I can pay for this $2.97 gum!” My card always decides to not work at the most embarrassing times, like when I’m trying to prove I can be independent and then it declines. Now I’m switching banks.
The Hoot 
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