“I love you more” by Jocelyn Ortiz-Burquez

Ever since I was a little girl I loved to sing, I loved singing and dancing, and I especially loved to perform for my family. I have so many memories of singing songs for them but there was one person in particular who enjoyed my singing the most, my great grandfather, Tata Leo. 

The first time I sang a really great song for him was when I was spending the night at my Tia’s house. She asked me to sing a song for her and I happily agreed because I was really passionate about singing during this time. I got up and asked her what song she wanted me to sing, she told me she wanted me to sing her and my Tata “Los Laurels”, I happily agreed again because I had just finished learning that song. So I put on the song and began to sing it, once I was done I looked up and looked at Tata’s face. His face was so lit up and he looked so happy to hear me finally start singing in spanish for them. I was also extremely happy about it, his excitement for me gave me much more confidence and it encouraged me to continue singing. 

A couple months later my grandparents sat me down and talked to me about going to Mexico to surprise my great grandpa. I jumped up and down with joy thinking about going to Mexico because I had never been there before. After this talk we actually start talking about the trip and we end up going. Once we’re finally in Mexico, I grab my phone and begin recording. I walk in and act like everything’s so normal and say “Hi Tata” like I would any other day, anywhere else. He starts laughing and has the biggest grin from ear to ear. After talking and laughing for a little, I walk inside and greet everybody and I go to sleep. 

The next morning they told me they were throwing a party for my Tata for fathers day. Fast forward is the party and my grandma pulled me aside and told me that a mariachi was coming for him and she asked me to sing a song once everything gets settled and of course, I agree. The mariachi arrived and were listening to music. I go up to my Tata because I notice he wants to get up and move, so I grab his hand and help him to another. Before I leave he grabs my hand and asks me to sing “Los Laureles” for him and I smile and say, “of course Tata”. I go up to the mariachi and nervously ask if I could sing a song, they say yes and I tell them what song I want to sing. We practiced for a minute and then I started singing for everybody. I can remember how shaky my hands were, how nervous I felt at that moment to be singing in front of more than a hundred people, but I was singing with as much emotion as I could. Once I was finished singing, I looked up and everybody was clapping and cheering for me. For me. I started to get red right away and said thank you to everybody and I went up to my grandpa and gave him a huge hug. I asked him what he thought of my singing and he said “it was amazing”. My smile got bigger and I gave him another hug and went to hang out with my cousins. 

After this party, every single one of my family members would make me sing at parties. I couldn’t look away for one minute before I was dragged away to go sing again, which I never minded. I loved singing and I loved singing for my family. The next time I sang for my grandpa, I was in my freshman year and it was his birthday. For the past couple of months before his birthday he would continuously listen to one certain song “Esta Tristeza Mia” by Antonio Aguilar. This song was very sad and sentimental to my grandpa, I always knew every time he played it he would think of my great grandma who passed a couple years prior. I wanted to sing this song for my grandpa because I knew he would love to hear it and that was true, the day of his birthday we showed up around 7pm. A little late but only because it landed on a weekday, when we show up we eat, talk, do all the normal party things. After everybody is done and ready, I get up from my seat and say a speech to my grandpa about how I love him so much and I know how much he loved this song and so I wanted to sing it for him. I play the song and begin to start singing for him, I close my eyes to get into the emotion of the song and I barely open my eyes to look at my grandpa and notice he’s staring off into space crying. I hurriedly walk over, sit next to him and hold his hand and continue singing to him and when i finish, my whole family and i are crying. It was such a precious and amazing moment, the way I was able to make everybody emotional made me very proud of myself. I knew I felt very emotional in the moment, I felt happy and sad about the situation. Happy because I knew he loved it and sad because I knew he was sad about my grandma. 

A couple weeks later when I was at school, I got pulled to the side and asked if I wanted to sing for an assembly because my teacher knew I loved to sing so she wanted to show off my talent. Of course i said yes and i was so excited, i mean i was telling everybody about it that’s how excited I was. I would practice every single day and sing to my mom and ask her if i sounded good and she said that “yes, i sounded amazing”. Which of course made me confident for this assembly. Fast forward to the next couple days, it’s the day of the assembly and I show up bright and early to help everybody prepare. As the assembly started, everybody was sitting down and I was looking around for my family while I sat down, I found them and I waved to them. Every person performs and performs and performs, and finally it’s then my turn and I get really nervous to do this. I get up and go talk to the people who were working on the sounds and they hand me the microphone. I walk up and go to the middle and I start singing my song and after I’m done, every single person is clapping and cheering for me. Yes, I sang with confidence but I was so nervous. I was so nervous that i almost passed out but i remember when i heard everybody cheering for me that made me feel better. I went and I ran to my family and I sat next to them and gave them big ol’ hugs. I talked to my grandpa who was sitting there with a big smile on his face and I asked him if he liked the performance and he of course said yes. After the entire assembly, I would walk by people and they would stop me to tell me that I sang really well and that actually made me feel really good because I was actually talking to people and making new friends. 

Honestly, even though I sang a whole bunch for a bunch of events and I really enjoyed it, I didn’t continue singing too much. Life started to feel really real and things weren’t going as good. I did sing on occasion for somebody’s birthday or at least when somebody asked me. The last two times I sang for my grandpa was in 2025, last year in January for his birthday and the last time in August for his funeral. The day he passed away my family asked me to sing a song for him and I just couldn’t. I mean I would open my mouth to try to and only weird uncomfortable noises would come out. A week after this it was the day of his funeral and because it was held at his house, every single person who knew him was there. My family came up to me to ask me if i could please sing for him and I tried to not to and they begged me too. I really can’t remember who asked me to sing, it was a really big fog but I know I sang for him with a family friend who was there to sing for him. I sang “La Diferencia” by Vicente Fernandez for him and as I started to sing,I started to cry a lot. I mean I got so into the emotion I like that I just cried really hard. I finished singing to hug him and I hugged him as tight as I could. This day was the hardest day of my life to sing but I did it for him. 

Although my Tata Leo isn’t here with us physically, he is here spiritually. These past holidays we’ve made sure to tell stories about both of our grandparents to keep their spirits alive. We play music that they enjoy   and of course I sing for both of them in their honor. As much as i miss them, i know they both are feeling better and are happier together, i love you more 

Tata.